Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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