who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
