i would punch a child for taco bell
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
A bitchslap is in order.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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