Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
