Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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