Acid is not a monday night drug
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
