Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
