Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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