i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
