Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
