Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
