Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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