I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
