Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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