It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
