Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
