One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the day after is always just damage control
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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