Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
