check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
