Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
