sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
