she was so not down for the gang bang
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
