rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
