My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
