what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
