I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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