On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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