Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
