he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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