so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
