Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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