Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so let's talk penis.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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