Barsexuality is the new black.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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