it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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