i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
