ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
