he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize