yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
