It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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