and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
