So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
