it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
