Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
