Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
