We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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