Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
