My nipple is on Facebook.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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