Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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