remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
