I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
