yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All the doctor said was why
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
