Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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