i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
