watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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