Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
