So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
