There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
