would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
