i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
