I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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