Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
it was like eating out sand paper
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
this will be a night to untag.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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