that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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