You work out of a Hotel?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
