my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
