I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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