He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I forget how to act sober
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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