i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
