I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
