PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
