I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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